I Only See You
by starryskiesxx
Summary: He doesn't know why his best friend is wrapping his arms around his waist and placing sloppy kisses down his neck. But he's drunk and it feels kind of good and... what the hell, why not. Kogan!
1. Chapter 1

**I'm usually not into slash but Kogan just dominated my heart! They have so much chemistry. I've had this idea in my head since the second episode and I figured there could never be enough Kogan fiction. I would love comments or criticisms! Also, don't mind any grammar mistakes; I'm a bit tired and didn't have anybody read through... and I'm a bit too lazy to do it myself.**

**Hope you enjoy (:**

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"Guys, I'm not so sure about this," Logan says for the hundredth time that day, crossing his arms over his chest. His three best friends exchange glances and try not to laugh.

"Logan, don't worry," Carlos replies. "We're not going to get in any trouble."

"Seriously, we've been in LA for over two months and haven't gone to any parties. Like, at all," James picks up. Carlos nods his head and they both look at Kendall as he starts to speak.

The four of them know each other inside and out. They always know what the other is thinking and can usually finish each others sentences. Sometimes, Logan wonders if it's normal to be this close, especially for guys, but he doesn't have any complaints. They're his best friends and, as cheesy as it sounds, he loves them more than anybody else. They are his family.

Kendall inches closer to his friend and places a comforting arm around his shoulder. "Listen, we'll go and if you don't like it, then we can leave. I promise."

Logan turns his head to stare skeptically at Kendall, who smiles reassuringly. The Jennifers had invited them to a party one of their friends was throwing that night. Back in Minnesota, Logan was definitely not one to turn down a party, but things were different in LA. He was _a)_ living with Kendall's mom, who was such a sweet lady and the last thing he wanted was her thinking he was some delinquent and _b) _in a boy band with probably the most insane person he has ever met managing them.

It just feels like they have more to lose in LA.

But, thanks to Kendall's convincing voice and warm eyes, he finally gives in (and, really, doesn't he always?), however begrudgingly, and follows his friends into the elevator. When they get to the lobby, the three Jennifers are waiting for them, all applying a different shade of lip gloss.

"Hey!" Jennifer 1 gushes as they step out. She flips her compact mirror shut and the other two promptly look at the boys. "You're right on time."

"Let's go," another Jennifer says. She turns to walk out of the Palm Woods but quickly wheels back around, startling the four boys behind her. "But let's get one thing straight. We invited you to this party as a _favor_. Don't embarrass us, okay."

Kendall raises his eyebrows and simply says, "Don't worry, babe."

She nods and tugs at the bottom of her short skirt, causing all of the boys to follow her movement, their mouths opening slightly at the long, tanned legs they see.

-- -- --

Logan leans against the wall, glancing around at the scene before him. The large house he was currently in was packed. People were all over- dancing in the middle of the living room, playing beer pong in the kitchen, making out on couches and in hallways. He thought parties were only like this in the movies; they certainly weren't like this in Minnesota.

Kendall makes his way over to his friend, laughing. "Hey buddy!" He exclaims, clapping a hand on his shoulder. He was already a bit tipsy. "Having a good time?"

"No," Logan says with a grimace. "And you promised me we would leave if I wasn't."

"Aww, but we've only been here for a few minutes!" Kendall protests. He stares down at his friend with wide eyes.

"We've been here for over an hour, Kendall," Logan says through gritted teeth.

"Huh." Kendall seems truly amazed by this statement and brings his hand up to rub at the top of his head. He stares up towards the ceiling, looking lost in thought.

Logan rolls his eyes at the sight of Kendall. James and Carlos are across the room, flirting with two girls. No doubt telling them that '_oh, we're in a boyband_' and '_of course we are good_' and '_yeah sure, I can totally sing a few songs for you right now_'. It was all so very predictable, the same routine they use whenever a new girl shows up at the Palm Woods. Although, Logan was positive neither of them was trying to use a British accent.

A girl approaches them, all long legs and big breasts, teased up blonde hair. She smiles at Kendall who seems to sober up almost instantly. Not even a few minutes later, he launches into the standard boyband bit and the girl, apparently named Andrea, giggles in response. Logan feels something lurch in his stomach, probably just the bile from how sickeningly cliche this all is.

"Oh, Christ," he mumbles to himself.

Logan had decided early on that he wasn't going to drink - _somebody_ had to be the responsible one - but he wasn't sure how much more he could take of this. At this point in the conversation, he is just a fly on the wall and feels a little awkward hanging around while his friend tries to score with some skank. So, he pushes himself off the wall and makes his way towards the kitchen. As he pushes through the throngs of teenagers, he glances back to see Kendall and Andrea flirting, not even noticing that he left. Of course.

When he reaches the kitchen, he passes up the keg without even a second thought. No matter how much the guys rag on him for it, he just doesn't like the taste of beer. He would drink it if there was nothing else but he preferred liquor any day. He mixes some kind of red vodka with sprite and takes a long sip. The vodka burns as it slides down his throat but it instantly settles his nerves and he can't really complain about that. He empties the red plastic cup within minutes and quickly pours more vodka into it, even though he knows he shouldn't.

The next thing he knows, he is stumbling backward into some room. He hears the door click shut behind him and everything is dark. Somebody's hands are running down his sides and before he can choke out a sound, a pair of lips crash onto his own. He can taste cheap beer as his tongue wrestles with his partners. He hears a moan and realizes a second later that it came from himself. At the same time, he breaths in a familiar scent. The same cologne that was stinking up his room just a few hours earlier.

Logan pulls back with shock, his eyes finally adjusting to the darkness in the room. He vaguely makes out the familiar mop of blonde hair. Kendall's eyes are shut. He swoops his head down, searching for Logan's lips once more.

"Kendall?!" Logan whispers.

He is confused and nervous, completely disoriented, and just the slightest bit turned-on, even if he won't admit it. He doesn't know why his best friend is wrapping his arms around his waist and placing sloppy kisses down his neck. But he's drunk and it feels kind of good and... what the hell, why not?

Kendall pulls his head back up and keeps his face close to Logan's so that their foreheads are pressed together. Logan can feel Kendall's hot breath hitting his face and his stomach won't stop flipping. He presses his lips against his best friend's with a force neither of them were really expecting and they fall back onto the bed, hands roaming and tongues battling.


	2. AN

I've never really written slash before so I'm glad people liked this. I definitely want to continue it but I have two completely different ideas floating around in my head and I can't pick. Sooooo, I'd appreciate it very much if you guys could tell me what you would rather see. They will both only be a few chapters each, nothing too long because I have a problem with starting stories and staying committed to them.

My original idea was just gonna be a light-hearted, fluffy fic. Nothing too serious. I don't wanna say too much and give it all away.

Andddd then I was thinking about having a Dating!Logan and an Angsty!Kendall. It will for sure be a happy ending but with, ya knooooow, a few bumps in the road. Also, with this one I think I'd probably add in a Kendall/Camille friendship.

Uhhh, so yeah. Just tell me what you would rather see because I obviously can't make decision for myself. :D


	3. Chapter 2

**Some people voted for the fluff fic but more people wanted ANGST (and, tbh, i was kind of leaning towards that myself) so agnsty!kendall it is! This is kind of just a filler until we get to the good stuff. For some reason, I find Logan's POV so much easier to write so I hope this came out okay haha. **

**Enjoy. And reviews are love.**

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Gustavo is screaming at them. His mother is standing behind him with a disappointed look that would normally make Kendall want to kick himself in the face repeatedly. Kelly is standing next to his mother, shaking her head. Katie is spinning around in that orange chair, trying to hide her obvious giggles.

But he can't get himself to pay attention to any of that. There is only one thing on his mind: Logan.

Last night, after they spent a good twenty minutes rolling around a bed in one of the many guest rooms, Kendall realized what was happening, what he was doing, and almost immediately jumped up. Logan quickly followed and Kendall peered at him. His lips were red, glistening in all of their post-kiss glory, and Kendall found himself wanting more. He quickly shook the thought from his mind, reminding himself that this was _Logan_ and he was a _boy_. Kendall Knight does not like boys.

The two best friends avoided eye contact for a moment. When their eyes finally met, they both let out an awkward chuckle before going to find James and Carlos. They spent the rest of the night drinking beers and chasing girls, the whole incident completely banished from their minds.

But now... well, Kendall can't stop thinking about it. Every time Logan even glances his way, he thinks he might throw up. So, yeah, this could be just a side-effect of the killer hangover he's currently dealing with, but he doesn't think so. He can't wrap his mind around the fact that just hours ago, he was kissing Logan. He was touching Logan, holding Logan. He doesn't know what this means.

Is Logan gay? Is _he_ gay?

Mostly, he wonders what will happen to their friendship. Logan is his closest friend and he doesn't think he can lose his best friend over a stupid, drunken mistake. However, he isn't too sure how things _can't_ be ruined by this. The weird part of the whole thing is that Logan doesn't even seem concerned. While Kendall spent the whole morning distressed and completely freaked out, Logan spent it sleeping on the couch. Even now, as Gustavo screamed at them, he seemed totally unfazed by the whole ordeal. He kept looking over at Kendall and rolling his eyes, making the usual '_Gustavo is nuts_' faces.

"You dogs are supposed to be the next big thing! Teen idols, rolemodels, whatever! Do you know what role models _do_? Role models clean up parks and volunteer at their local kitty shelters!" Gustavo shouts, his voice getting louder with each syllable. "They DO NOT GO TO RAGING HOUSE PARTIES AND GET DRUNK! They certainly do not get picked up by the COPS at THREE IN THE MORNING while they wander the streets in search of the nearest MCDONALDS!"

"We're really sorry," Carlos says, lifting his head. "We didn't think anything like this would happen."

It was nearly four in the morning when Katie, who had fallen asleep watching T.V. on the couch, was awoken by the pounds on the door. When she opened it to find her brother and his three friends standing in front of two stone-faced cops, she nearly had a field day. Her mother, on the other hand, had a very different reaction.

"We're very disappointed in you boys," Kelly says, shaking her head. Mrs. Knight makes a small sound of agreement. "We didn't give you the Sex/Alcohol/Drug speech when you first started out because we knew you were better than that. And you are; you just made a mistake, but you need to learn from it and make sure something like this never happens again."

Immediately after she finishes, Logan says, "Of course not! We promise it won't!"

"Alright, alright. It's getting a little bit too '_Lifetime movie_' now," Katie says from the corner. Except for a few glances, she is ignored.

Gustavo runs a hand down his face and stands up out of his chair. "Well, I can't get much work done with four hungover teenagers. Go home and sleep it off. I want you back here tomorrow, six A.M. sharp!"

"Oh, no no no!" Mrs. Knight instantly objects. "The only thing these boys will be seeing outside of the apartment for the next week is the elevator to take them to and from school. No recording, no events, no photoshoots. They are _grounded_."

Gustavo's face instantly turns red. The four boys groan; they know what this will turn into. Almost a few seconds later, they are right. Gustavo and Mrs. Knight are shouting at each other. Kendall glances to his right and sees Logan slouched in his chair with his eyes shut, rubbing at his temples. Carlos is sitting with his head in his hands. Even James looks a mess; Kendall has never seen him walk out the door without every piece of hair perfectly placed, but today it is in every direction.

After a brief but very loud argument, Mrs. Knight gives in and decides to let the boys at least work with Gustavo. On the ride home, the four of them sit squished in the backseat of the rental car while Katie sits in the front, singing along to Miley Cyrus songs.

Kendall is all too aware of a certain brunette sitting dangerously close. Logan's leg is almost on top of his and his stomach is going crazy. He keeps his eyes shut and his head down, hoping Logan won't notice the deep blush he can feel forming on his cheeks. After a few minutes, he looks up to find Logan half-asleep, his head laying on the back of the seat. Kendall rubs his palms on his sweatpants, trying not to think too much of how sweaty they are, and attempts to forget that the night before ever happened in the first place.


	4. Chapter 3

**This chapter was reallly hard to write in the beginning but once I got started it just started flowing. I'm pretty happy with how it came out, though it is almost 3 in the morning and there are probably a zillion mistakes. Oh well! Ha. Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Reviews are love!  
**

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Two days later, after a particularly long and tiring vocal lesson with Gustavo, the boys are sitting on the couch, watching television and just relaxing. Well, James, Carlos, and Logan are. Upon arriving at the apartment, Kendall went straight to the room he and Logan share and stayed there for almost two hours. His friends couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He has been acting weird for days now. He isn't talking or joking around as much and no matter how hard they try, they can't get him to spill. At first, they figured it was just a bad mood but now they were getting kind of worried.

When Kendall finally does emerge from the room, he merely glances at his friends and says, "I'm heading down to the pool for a bit."

"But we're grounded?" Carlos raises an eyebrow at him. Kendall smirks in response.

"Do you see my mom anywhere?" He asks, making it a point to look all around the apartment. "No. And she won't be back for awhile. She'll never even know I was gone."

Kendall lets his eyes briefly make contact with Logan's before instantly dragging them away. Logan narrows his eyes in confusion. He doesn't understand why Kendall is avoiding him but he has been since that party. Logan tries to talk to his best friend all the time but he only gets a few grunts, and occasionally a few words, in response. He doesn't let Kendall know how much this is affecting him though. He just misses his best friend. Besides, he has some big news to tell him and he isn't sure how long he can hold it in.

Kendall is out the door before they can say anything else. They decide not to worry about it and go back to the episode of Scrubs they are currently watching. Kendall is right, his mom won't be home for a few hours. At least, that's what they thought.

-- -- --

When Kendall walks into the bright afternoon sunshine, he smiles despite the terrible pit in his stomach- the same pit that has been there for almost three days. Actually being outside in the warm weather is so much better than he expected. They had only been grounded for three days, but it feels like it's been weeks. He sits on a chair and lays back, reveling in the way the rays feel shining against his face. Both his stomach and his mind instantly calm down and he grins to himself.

A few minutes later, he hears a light sniffling nearby. He sits up and glances around the pool area. The Jenniffer's are directly across from him, each in a different color bikini with a magazine in hand. Mandy and Sandy are sitting on the ground, dangling their legs in the pool and whispering to each other. He turns around to find Camille with her back turned to him.

"Hey, Camille," Kendall says. When she turns toward him, he notices her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He figures its just another rehearsal. "What are you auditioning for now? Gossip Girl?"

She stares at him. She brings one hand up to play with the ends of her hair as she responds. "No. Um, it's not an audition."

"Ohh..." He let's his voice trail off, unsure of what to say. He was never very good at this comforting thing. "Well, what's wrong?"

"It's okay, Kendall. You don't have to pretend like nothings going on," Camille whispers. "I know. Logan told me."

Kendall feels his stomach tighten again. He hopes she isn't talking about what he thinks she is talking about. How can Logan talk to her about what happened but act like nothing ever did happen around him? More importantly, why does this bother him so much?

"I, um... I'm not sure what your talking about?"

"Logan," Camille says, finally meeting his eyes. There is a questionable expression in them. "He's going on a date tomorrow night with that girl he met at the party. You mean he didn't tell you?"

Her words feel like a punch in the stomach. Kendall shuts his eyes for a second, listening to Camille talk. She is crying again and he doesn't fail to notice the way she looks just a little bit like a kicked puppy.

"I know I come on a bit strong," Camille says. Kendall raises his eyebrows at her and she lets out a small smile through her tears. "Okay, so I come on _really_ strong. But I liked him so much and, I don't know, I guess I actually thought I had a chance. Stupid me, huh?"

Kendall sits down next to her and places a comforting arm around her shoulders. He focuses on cheering her up instead of the way he feels like he might actually throw up any minute.

"You're not stupid, Camille," Kendall says, softly. "You just got your heart broken; it's understandable that you're a little upset. And, hey, I think Logan's an idiot for not choosing you anyways."

Camille tilts her head to look up at him. She looks a little surprised and her voice is tiny when she responds, "Really?"

"Well, yeah. You're much better than some random girl at a stupid party."

"Thank you," Camille whispers as she wraps her arms around him for a quick hug. Afterward, she stands up and turns to walk away. Before she leaves she glances at Kendall and asks, "Hey, can you maybe... not mention this to Logan?"

Kendall laughs. "Scouts honor," he says, saluting her. She grins shyly before turning and walking back into the building.

Kendall stays outside for a few minutes, his mind blank. When he enters the elevator, everything seems to hit him at once. Logan. On a date. With a girl. The same Logan he was kissing just a few nights ago. He runs a hand through his hair, wondering exactly what this feeling is. His chest feels tight, his mind is reeling, and his stomach is filled with butterflies. But not the good kind of butterflies. These were more like hornets.

For a second, he suspects that this horrible feeling is jealousy. He quickly dismisses that thought.

When he gets back to the apartment, Kendall angrily slams the door shut behind him. James, Carlos, and Logan are right where he left them. They look back at him with wide eyes and simultaneously shake their heads and make exaggerated gestures towards the kitchen. Kendall shoots them a weird look and is about to ask what's wrong when his mother steps into view. His face immediately drains as he waves sheepishly at her.

"Hey, mom! What's up?" Kendall exclaims, trying his best to sound nonchalant. "I was just, uh... you know, down at the, um, vending machine. Just getting a snack. 'Cause I'm a growing boy. I need food... and stuff."

Mrs. Knight narrows her eyes at her son. "It's a good thing your only in a band, Kendall, because you cannot act to save your life."

Kendall sighs and lowers his head. "I just went down to the pool for a few minutes! It's not natural to be getting all of this artificial light. We need some sun, you know, nature! The good outdoors!"

"You were grounded and you broke the rules," his mom says. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to add a few more days to your punishment."

Kendall stars incredulously at his mom. He is about to open his mouth to speak when he hears a voice to the side of him.

"We tried to get him to stay, Mrs. Knight," Logan had said.

Kendall spins towards him. He gritts his teeth and balls up his fists as everything he had been bottling up for the past few days comes tumbling out.

"_What?!_ First of all, you didn't say one word to me! So, shut the hell up, okay? Was this even any of your business? Nobody asked you; stay out of it!" Kendall screams. He turns back towards his mom and points one finger at Logan. "Besides, he's the one going on a freaking _dat_e tomorrow night. I just went to the stupid pool for barely even ten minutes. If you're going to punish anybody, punish Logan! I did nothing wrong!"

Logan widens his eyes. He doesn't know how Kendall found out about his date or why he's yelling at him. He wasn't even being serious when he said that, but it triggered something in his friend and he had no idea what. He only knew one thing: he was getting extremely sick of Kendall's bullshit. He didn't need to be constantly ignored by his best friend and, for once in his life, he was going to stick up for himself.

"Really? That's funny because I asked your mom and she told me it was fine if I went. Which is what I have been trying to tell you all day if you could just get the hell over your ego and pay attention to somebody other than yourself for five God-damn minutes!" Logan yells back, standing up off the couch. Carlos and James exchange glances, knowing that this can't possibly end well.

"Okay, okay. Boys! Calm down!" Mrs. Knight exclaims. She pauses before continuing a little more softly, "Kendall, he's right. I did tell him he could go on his date tomorrow night. You're punishment still stands."

Kendall stares in disbelief for a few seconds. Finally, he shouts, "This is ridiculous! Fuck all of you!"

He rushes into his room, slamming the door behind him. After punching a wall and kicking the side of Logan's bed, he calmly walks to his side of the room and sinks onto his bed. He places his head in his hands and, breathing heavily, wonders what the hell is wrong with him.

-- -- --

Later that night, Logan hesitantly slips through the doorway of his bedroom. Kendall hadn't come out since the blow-up a few hours before and, though Logan hated to admit it, he was a little nervous. Of course he has seen his best friend that mad before, but not once at him. They never fought; they only ever had little arguments that were always resolved within minutes.

"Kendall," Logan whispers but gets no response.

The room is dark but after a few minutes his eyes adjust. He vaguely makes out a lump of covers, identifying it as Kendall as he creeps forward. He is laying on his bed, earphones plugged in his ears and his eyes shut. His chest is rising and falling calmly and his lips are spread into a small smile on his face. Logan notices how peaceful he looks sleeping like that, the complete opposite compared to how he was before.

Letting out a quick sigh, he quietly runs his hand through Kendall's hair. At his touch, Kendall's eyes pop wide open and Logan immediately draws his arm back. He stares at his friend with such disgust that it makes Logan's stomach turn, right before Kendall flips his body over. He turns his iPod up, letting Logan know that talking to him is the last thing he wants to do.

Feeling defeated, Logan crawls into his own bed and buries his head in the pillow, but he knows he won't be getting any sleep that night.


	5. Chapter 4

**Sorry I've been kind of MIA lately. I had so much school work the past week, it suuuucked hardcore. Thankfully I handed most of it in today and had some free time to write tonight! I'm thinking there will only be around 3 more chapters to this story, but idk... things can change. Alsooooo, if you guys are reading this please _please _review!! I really want to know what you think about this... opinions, criticisms, whatever! It is greatly appreciated!**

* * *

The next morning when Kendall finally emerges from his room, he finds his mom making waffles in the kitchen. His favorite chocolate chip waffles, complete with whipped cream and bananas and all the syrup he can ever ask for. Suddenly, he feels terrible for the way he behaved the night before. His poor mom was just trying to do her job raising him the best she can and he treated her like crap just because he was in a bad mood. He was kind of hating himself.

Ignoring James, Carlos, and Logan, who are all sitting around the table, he goes right to his mother and envelopes her in a huge hug.

"I'm sorry, Mom," He says, leaning down to bury his face into her shoulder. He breathes in her familiar scent - flowers, though he isn't entirely sure what kind - and it instantly calms him down. He feels like a little kid again.

Just then, Katie walks into the kitchen. When she sees her mom and brother, she fakes a gag. "Wow, didn't know I was about to walk right into a Knight lovefest. Ya big baby," she says, lightly hitting Kendall's back as she grabs a piece of toast.

Kendall smirks down at her while he pulls away from his mother. Katie smiles back before taking her usual seat at the table. Kendall looks towards his mom again to find her staring lovingly at him.

"It's okay, Kendall," Mrs. Knight says, nodding her head. She hands him a plate of waffles and motions towards the table. "Go. Eat. You have a big day ahead of you."

Kendall grimaces when he realizes what she means. Ten hour dance lessons with Gustavo are not exactly his idea of fun. He walks to the table and sits down, choosing to take the seat next to Carlos instead of his usual one next to Logan and starts to eat. His friends are unusually quiet. he looks up from his food to find them all staring at him.

"What?" He asks, syrup dripping from his mouth.

"Nothing," They answer in unison. James begins to shovel waffles into his mouth, Carlos pushes a whole piece of toast down his throat, and Logan shifts his eyes while bringing a mug of coffee up to meet his lips.

Wait... coffee?

"Why are you drinking coffee?" Kendall asks, staring suspiciously at his friend. Or former friend. Or whatever they were right now. "You never drink coffee."

"Yeah, well _somebody_ likes to blast music from their iPod all night so I didn't get much sleep," Logan says. Kendall rolls his eyes in response, not bothering to say anything.

***

Later on, Carlos and James help Logan get ready for his date. Kendall avoids his room like the plague. Logan does his best not to let it bother him because he's going on a date, his first date since they have been in LA, and he isn't going to let his grumpy friend ruin his good mood. Once he leaves, Kendall joins Carlos and James on the couch where they are playing Rock Band.

"Hey, man, what's going on with you and Logan," Carlos asks between songs, staring curiously at Kendall.

"Nothing," Kendall answers, shrugging his shoulders.

James stares at his friend, an exasperated look on his face. "Oh, come _on_, Kendall!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kendall glances away from his friends, purposely avoiding eye contact.

"Whatever dude," James says. "But this is killing Logan. You know how much he looks up to you."

"Yeah," Carlos agrees without missing a beat. "He _is_ kind of a mess right now."

"If you guys are trying to make me feel guilty, it's not working," Kendall says quietly. James opens his mouth to say something, but Kendall beats him to it, "Just stop, okay! There's a lot more to it than you know."

Still avoiding eye contact, Kendall walks into his room, leaving James and Carlos speechless. They wish he would just talk to them, tell them what is wrong. Maybe they could help.

Laying on his bed, staring up at the cieling, Kendall thinks about what James and Carlos had just told him. '_This is killing Logan_.' '_He is kind of a mess..._' Kendall slams his head against the backboard of his bed and lets out a long sigh. Maybe he was feeling kind of guilty. He hates thinking of Logan hurting and, more importantly, hates thinking of him being the cause.

Then, he remembers why he is avoiding Logan in the first place and he can't possibly make himself feel bad anymore. He can still remember the way Logan tasted - like vodka and peppermint. Just the thought of it makes his heart beat uncontrollably. Kendall flips himself onto his stomach and pushes his head into his pillow, trying to make all of these thoughts disappear.

***

It's almost eleven thirty when Logan comes home from his date. Kendall sits on the couch and watches as he walks in the door. His face is beaming and Kendall can't remember the last time he looked this excited. He tries to be just as excited for his best friend, but for some reason he just feels miserable. He doesn't understand why; he was always excited for his friends when they got girls.

James and Carlos immediately rush up to Logan and start bombarding him with questions. Mrs. Knight stands in the background, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, smiling at the boys. Kendall decides he can't take anymore of this and walks toward his mom.

"Can I go for a quick walk?" Kendall asks quietly, making sure none of his friends hear him.

"Kendall Knight, how many times do I have to tell you? You are _grounded_," she says firmly.

When she turns her head to meet Kendall's, though, she notices the discomfort and urgent need to be anywhere else but here etched upon his face. She remembers the night before, the way he hasn't been acting like himself for the entire week, and her heart aches for him. She is his mother, after all; when he hurts, she hurts.

"Alright, you can go," she finally agrees, her voice soft and understanding. "But I want you back here by midnight, and no later than, okay? I mean it, Kendall."

"Thank you," Kendall responds. He says it so quietly that his mother has to wonder whether he whispered it or just mouthed it. As he walks away, Mrs. Knight watches with sympathetic eyes and worry carved into her gut. Kendall is both relieved and surprised at his mother's sudden empathy. He had been ready to just walk out had she said no, but he was glad he didn't have to actually do that.

Trying to pass his friends without drawing much attention to himself, he quickly rushes towards the door. Despite his best efforts, Logan briefly makes eye contact with him on his way out and Kendall's stomach flips. He keeps walking and tries not to notice the spark in his best friends' eyes that instantly dims a bit. Logan slides his eyes back to Carlos and James and continues answering their questions, even if part of him wants to follow Kendall out.

None of this goes unnoticed by Mrs. Knight.

***

Camille spends her Friday night on the couch, trying to memorize lines and watching Cash Cab. It's pretty late when she hears the knocking on the door - more like urgent pounding, really. Confused, she makes her way to the doors and stares suspiciously at it for a few seconds. It's not like she is expecting anyone. Glancing through the tiny peephole, she finds a frantic Kendall on the other end, running his hands through his hair.

"Hey! What's up?!" She happily exclaims. She and Kendall aren't that close, but it's still good to see him.

"Can I talk to you? I need your advice or - I don't know - _something_!" Kendall asks. His voice is hesitant, his tone wavering as he speaks.

Camille's eyebrows knit. She is confused. Whenever any of the Big Time Rush boys need help, they turn to each other and, well, only each other. Despite her bewilderment, she replies with a cheery "sure!" and steps aside to let him walk through.

A few minutes later, she kind of regrets this. They are awkwardly sitting on the couch, side by side, but Kendall hasn't yet uttered a word. Instead, he stares at the wall, mentally debating with himself over somethig Camille can only wonder about. Every now and then, he will open his mouth as if he is about to speak, and promptly shuts it.

"Kendall?" Camille asks, softly. He gazes her way. "Did you want to talk to about something?"

"I..." Kendall sighs, running a hand across his face. "Don't judge me, okay. Promise?"

"Of course not."

Camille tilts her head and stares curiously at her kind-of sort-of friend. He takes a deep breath and launches into the whole Logan story. Once he starts, it all comes tumbling out. He can't stop himself even if he wants to. He wants to talk about it; he _needs_ to talk about it. And, surprisingly, spilling his guts actually helps to ease his anxiety over the whole thing... even if it is to the most unlikely person ever.


End file.
